Confession #9 : My Wedding Night Was Perfect

This is a post I've gone back and forth about publishing for awhile.

Part of me thinks this is too private to share with the masses. Our parents and grandparents read this! ;-)

Part of me is so blown away by the gift God has given me in my husband Zachary that I can't help but want to tell everyone what an amazing man he is.

And another part of me wants to give some hope to my sisters who are still looking and waiting on God's timing. There really are some very fine princes-in-training out there.

2-1 wins out. I started writing this post just after Confession #4, but have continued working on it, editing it and rewording it until now. Zac is a wonderful, amazing husband and I want everyone to know just how wonderful he is. :-)

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My heart rate rose as steadily as the numbers flashing in the elevator. I could not believe we were finally here. I was as nervous as I was excited for our first night together as husband and wife.

Zac and I had waited. This is not a story about the what that we waited for, but it is important for you to know that we had waited for it until this night. As we rode the elevator silently holding hands, I could not believe that all the boundaries we had discussed, all the lines we had drawn while dating and seeking to honor Christ with our relationship were gone. Vanished just a few hours earlier as we promised ourselves to each other til death do us part.

Zac opened the door and we walked into the room. I giggled to myself as the door clicked behind us. We were spending the night in the same room, behind a locked door! Ahh!!! I had waited and thought about this night for a long, long time.

The room was very nice. All I really remember noticing was the high ceiling and lots of deep red and brown colors. It was probably quiet too, but I couldn't hear anything except my heart trying to pound it's way past my rib cage.

I sat my suitcase down and wondered at my wisdom of packing my overnight things on top of everything else. My thoughts were going ninety to nothing, but it went something like this: "Do I just open this up and let him see it before I put it on? Is he really allowed to see this now? Oh My Goodness... I'm married!!! Should I wait until he--"

"Come sit down." Zac's gentle voice snapped me out of my little lingerie dilemma.

"Remember I want to shower?!" I panicked! We had talked a week or so ago about me wanting to shower so I could relax a little bit after the wonderful, but long day. And like I said, I was as nervous as I was excited.

"I know, just give me a minute. Okay?"

"Okay." I noticed he had picked up his bible and had a few other things sitting on the side of the bed.

Zac sat down next to me and reached up quietly to my left ear. I had no idea what he was doing until his fingers found the front and back of my earrings. I turned my head so he could take them out. As he carefully replaced the back and sat it on the nightstand he began to speak. I wish I had written this down sooner so I could remember it more word for word, but what he said was something close to this.

"I was thinking about how while we're dating we always try to look our best for each other. I shave more often... you put on make-up and get new jewelry." He reached behind my neck and removed my necklace. Next was my bracelet, my rings, and then my anklets that were still on from before the ceremony.

"I want you to know that I think you are beautiful. You are beautiful with all of these things." He pulled out a small package of make-up remover towelettes.

"And you are also beautiful without them." He gently wiped the make-up off my face.

My heartbeat slowed and I relaxed a little. What a caring and loving gesture my new husband was making.

Once my jewelry and make-up were gone he opened his bible to 2 Corinthians chapter 9 and read verses 7 through 15. The last line of that passage is, "Thanks be to God for His inexpressible gift."

"Karen, You are an inexpressible gift, and I am so thankful to God for giving you to me to be my wife."

I sat smiling at this man, my gift, who had obviously thought this through and was making this night very special for me. I didn't want to interrupt, I wanted to remember every single moment, so I just watched him quietly.

Next he flipped to another bookmarked section of his bible and picked up a warm washcloth. He began to wash my feet (if you're a follower of my blog, you might recall how much I love clean feet!) and read sections of John 13, the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet. When he had finished reading he grabbed a small dry towel from the floor and said:

"I am supposed to love you as Christ loved the church. Jesus loves His church, protects His church and serves His church. I want to love, protect and serve you the same way He does."

Although my heart's pounding had slowed it was now rising to my throat. I could not have dreamed up a more perfect man, or a more perfect beginning for our first night together.

Zac put the towel away and flipped to a third bookmark in his bible. He opened a little bottle of lotion and poured some into his hands and read Song of Solomon to me. He read mostly from chapters 3 and 4. Thankfully he skipped over the parts about her hair being like a fine goat's, ;-) and he ended it with Chapter 8 verses 6 and 7.

"Set me as a seal upon your heart,
      as a seal on your arm,
for love is as strong as death,
      jealousy as fierce as the grave.
It's flashes are flashes of fire
      the very flame of the Lord.
Many waters cannot quench love,
      neither can floods drown it."

When he finished reading and rubbing my feet with lotion he said some more very sweet things about how in love with me he was and about how he was going to choose to love me from now on even if he didn't feel it. He wiped a tear off my cheek, (my heart was so full it was spilling out of my eyelids) kissed me on the forehead and handed me my phone.

"I know we turned our phones off before we came up to the room, but I want you to turn it on for just a little while longer. I'm going to go down to the lobby. Take your time with your shower and do whatever you want to relax. Whenever you are ready for me to come back up just send me a text and I'll be here."

One more kiss on my forehead and he turned and left me the whole room to myself.

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Can you believe this man? Not only did he pursue and fight to protect my purity while we were dating and engaged, but he took time to put Christ first on our wedding night. In Ephesians chapter five where Paul makes his famous charge to husbands and wives there is a word he uses that I have always been drawn too. The word is "cherish." Paul tells men that they are to cherish their wives. I can show you countless journal entries where I wrote about wanting to be cherished by someone. Where I penned prayers begging God to bring me a husband who would cherish me.

Can I just tell you that I felt cherished on my wedding night? Not only did Zac think it through and plan it out with an emphasis on how to honor Christ and to honor me, but he did something else that Ephesians five charges husbands to do. Pointing to Christ's example Paul tells men to cleanse "their" bride by washing her with water and the Word... which is literally what Zac did for me that night.

I am so thankful for what God has done in my life! I am humbled by His love for me and the gifts that He has given me. Zac is more than I deserve. More loving, more gentle, more humble, more Godly, and more everything than what I could earn. But thankfully, God isn't in the business of giving us who love and serve Him what we deserve. I am Zac's and he is mine because God gave us to each other in His love.

Confession #8 : I'm not a whiz in the kitchen

What are you making babe? It smells really good!" -Z

"Well... I'm not really sure." - Karen

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My mother is an AMAZING cook. Really. She can cook, bake, prepare, grill, season, or sauté anything perfectly with ease. She enjoys it and has been perfecting those skills since she was a teenager (or maybe earlier than that.)

I am not.

I can cook. I follow directions and usually come out with something edible, (and sometimes even tasty) but cooking is not my thing, like it is for my mother. One of my family's favorite stories is from when I was in 5th grade.  One evening when she was going to be home late, Mom left me with instructions to finish up dinner. Long story short: Dinner was fine, but I tried to make cookies to surprise her and somehow ended up quadrupling (yes, quad... like 4 times) the batch. We ate those cookies for a long, long, time.

My husband knew this before he asked me to marry him and as we like to tease each other, there are #notakebacks in this marriage. Yesterday I was at the store picking up a few things and saw a box of fun-fetti cake (my very favorite kind) on sale. I tossed it in the cart intending to make a batch of cake-mix cookies sometime this week.

Last night after dinner Z had some paperwork he had to deal with so I decided to whip up the cake mix cookies for a quick dessert. There were directions on the back of the box for turning the mix into soft cookies and I followed them exactly!

I have no idea what happened! I followed the direction, I carefully measured out the additional ingredients. I made sure no egg shells fragments were lost in the bowl. I used my fancy-smancy kitchen aid stand mixer with the hook attachment that I've "cleaned" (read: "licked") for my mother for years. But something just wasn't right.

I couldn't get it to form dough-balls to place on my lightly greased, air-bake cookie sheets. It was super sticky and just smushed all over my hands. (I didn't actually mind that too much as it just meant I got to lick a full cookie's worth of batter/dough/sweet stuff from my hand. And yes mom! I washed my hands before touching the dough again.)

I thought of a solution... an ice cream scoop! Something else I've seen my mother do. She sometimes makes these huge monster cookies by scooping the batter out with an ice cream scoop. What could be better than a giant cake-mix cookie?

It seemed to go well. I was pleased with my ability to out-wit a sticky ball of dough. Then I opened the oven door. They hadn't flattened out like I was expecting. They had actually kind-of puffed up like little balloons.

This was, of course, when my husband walked into the kitchen. "What are you making babe? It smells really good!"

I pulled the oven door down and let him peek in as I giggled at myself. "Well, I'm not really sure. It started as a cake, but then I wanted it to be cookies... and now I'm just not positive what is happening in there."

We laughed and studied the little puff-balls for a bit. I decided they were made with the ingredients for cake and cookies so they couldn't be bad. Zac named them "cookie loaves," and went back to his work.

"Cookie loaves" fit pretty well. They were actually really pretty when I first took them out of the oven, but deflated a lot as they cooled. They did smell delicious so I decided to go ahead and serve them. I covered up the deflation with fresh cut strawberries and treated them a bit like a short-cake.

They actually are really good. It's the strangest thing. The outer shell is the consistency of a soft cookie, but the inside quarter inch is fluffy like a cake.

As we ate our cookie loaves and strawberries and watched an episode of Once Upon A Time... Laughing at my dessert creation, I asked Zac if he liked the adventure that is living with me. I don't remember exactly what he said because it ended with a one of those good kisses. (Girls, you know what I'm talking about, the kind that make you forget that anything else is going on in the world.) Then we finished our cookie loaves and watched Prince Charming swear that he will always find Snow White.   :-)

Confession #7 : I have to share my favorite human.

Before my husband found me... he had another love in his life. His dog, Bugsy. He is a little rescue Boxer-Pug. Bugsy is the name that he came with, but I can tell you with absolutely certainty his previous owner gave him that name because of his bug eyes. Some think he's cute, some say he's so ugly that he is cute, and some feel that he is just plain ugly... feel free to decide for yourself.

Bugsy and I have a strange relationship. He used to rule the house, but my presence has significantly limited his kingdom. As a friend of mine put it, we've had some re-zoning issues. The week after our honeymoon Bugsy followed me around all day long. I told Zac he had either accepted my friendship or upped my surveillance. I'm fairly certain it was the latter.

Now, i feel I must defend myself by telling anyone who doesn't know me that I am a dog person. At least I thought I was before I met Zac and his family. My dogs have always lived in the lap of luxury... inside the house, a treat every night before bed, padded doggy pillows, warm towels for burrowing under and even an occasional invitation to sit next to me on the couch. Let's just say Zac, Bugsy and I have had to come to some compromises.

Last weekend Zac and I finally got the chance to take our kayaks to the lake. One of the compromises we've had to make is that Bugsy is no longer invited to ride-along every time we leave the house. I thought this would be a great opportunity to show the little guy some love and bring him out on the kayaks with us.

I got in the kayak and paddled a few strokes. It seemed fairly comfortable so I pulled The Bugster in with me. He did not come willingly, but Zac and I are going to be making this a regular outing so his choices are to get used to the boat or stay home. At first he sat very still in between my knees, but as he got more comfortable with the rythm of the rowing he eventually popped up on top of the kayak. His 25lbs isn't too much to have to worry about, but it does make the ride a tad less smooth when he is walking around on top.

As Bugsy got more and more comfortable he moved closer and closer to the tip. I warned him, "Bugs, you're going to slip and fall in." But he didn't seem to believe me and guess what? He miscalculated a stride, got a little too close to the edge and with noting to grip with his little paws he went straight in.

I reached down quickly and scooped him up by his harness. His puppy instincts had kicked in and he was paddling along as I pulled him out of the water and back into my kayak. He stayed down in the well between my legs for a few mins after the slip, but it wasn't too long before he was back on the top navigating. He was getting pretty good with his sea legs.

A half hour passed with no incident, but while we were just off shore another kayak with a dog came close. Both dogs jumped into the water to greet each other and since it was only about 5 inches deep Bugsy had no problem keeping his head out of the water. We got the dogs back into their respective kayaks and took off our separate ways.

Unfortunately Bugsy seems to have a fairly short, or possible selective, memory. Zac and I rowed around into the area where they doc sailboats and were floating past the colorful vessels. The Bugster was back on the tip of my kayak and as Zac passed in front of me he decided he would jump ship and join his favorite human's crew. The problem... we were no longer floating over only 5 inches of water.

I saw the wheels turning in Bugsy's head. He leaned back primed to make the jump.

"Bugsy, No! It's deep here."

That little jerk looked back at me, looked down at the water and jumped in. There was no slipping this time. It was a deliberate jump. And boy was he surprised when his little feet didn't touch the ground before his head went under.

He sunk low enough that I almost toppled over while reaching my arm down in the water to grab his harness. As I snatched him up out of the water his eyes were twice as large as usual, (which really is saying something.) And if he could talk I swear he came up gasping, "What the H#LL?!?!?"

I couldn't stop laughing. I dumped his little wet self in the well between my knees and he just sat there slightly stunned while we rowed back into the doc. I'm pretty sure he blamed me for deepening the water, but he did seem to forgive me before bed that night.

Sorry buddy, we're just gonna have to learn to live with each other now. We share the same favorite human. ;-)

Confession #6 : I love working with students.

“Excuse me girlies, I need to get proof that I’m married.”

The group of girls gathered near my bunk parted as I reached for my ring box.

“Why do you need proof that you’re married?”

I thought for a moment… “Well, I guess I don’t HAVE to wear them… but if you had diamond rings wouldn’t you?”

Her eyes got huge as she looked at my left hand. “Those are real diamonds?!?!!”

“Well, they better be… or my husband is in trouble!”

Giggles.

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I’m in a place that fills my heart this week! I’m at FALLS CREEK!!!

I love getting to be around students, especially in this environment. The girls who were gathered around my bed and I went on to a little conversation about why there were two rings and what I remind myself of each time I put them on or look at them throughout the day.

We didn’t pray before we started. I didn’t have a 3-point lesson lined out. We didn’t hold hands and ask for prayer requests before we dismissed either. It was just a quick little convo with some girls about my life and what they can look forward to when they trust God with their relationships.

I think I love working with students because it can be so informal. I’ve found that if you are honest with them about your life, they will be honest with you about theirs. When I was in high school there were a few women who mentored me and I learned the most from them when we just talked about what was going on and I was allowed to see how they were trusting God in their situations.

I also love this place because the directors and staff make such a point about engaging students with relevant forms of media. I attended the first morning bible study and they seamlessly integrated the use of film, live video, twitter, graphic fonts, opinion polls, photos and photo filters to explain three concepts:

God is Love

We are Broken and

Jesus is our Reconciler

What a refreshing reminder of why I love what I do. Can God work at camp without a daily video? Of course He can! But can He also work at camp through a daily video? Yes, yes He can.